Astrology Explored

October 14, 2007

Did you ever think certain people should come with warning labels? Wait no further. Here is a complete list of warnings that should come with each astrological sign.

Aries–Warning–Do not play Monopoly with this individual. The Ram will pass Go, will take his and everyone else’s two hundred dollars and expect you to give him your Get Out of Jail Free card. This applies to real life situations as well.

Taurus–Warning–Move slowly and cautiously around Taurean preconceived notions. Keep an apple pie on hand to deflect the Bull’s attention from any action that deviates from the “rules.�?

Gemini–Warning–If it sounds to be too good to be true, it is spoken by a Gemini. Failure to heed this warning may result in bamboozlement and a belief in the physical existence of fairies.

Cancer–Warning–Romantic inattention can cause leaky eyes and irritable bowels. Keep a supply of chocolate on hand for breakdowns.

Leo–Warning-Failing to keep your eye squarely on your Leo may cause Leo’s eyes to wander. To keep your Leo in working order, lube with generous amounts of attention.

Virgo–Warning–Nothing you do is good enough, but Virgo will fix it for you anyway. Failure to show maximum amounts of appreciation may result in the silent treatment.

Libra–Warning– Do not mess with the toletries. Do not use the blow dryer. Do not wear his cologne, even it it does smells prettier than your perfume. Failure to respect Libra’s boundaries may result in you being placed outside them.

Scorpio–Warning–Do not try the Scorpion in public, private or in the bath tub. Failure to keep you hands off Scorpio may result in multiple violations of privacy, decorum and certain other restraints that may become habit forming.

Sagittarius–Warning–Do not expect Sagittarius to be where he is suppose to be when he is supposed to be there. Failure to heed this warning may lead to emotional upsets and angry recriminations.

Capricorn–Warning–Do not expect access to the family vault, the family resources and upon occasion the family jewels. Capricorn is far too busy adding to first two to worry much about the last. Failure to heed this warning may result in unmet expectations.

Aquarius–Warning–Water Bearers will think you are being unreasonable by wanting them to act like everyone else. Failure to be tolerant of Aquarian eccentricities may result in Aquarius being intolerant of you.

Pisces–Warning–Handle with care. Trying to hold onto Pisces may result in losing your grip on them.

astrology, zodiac, horoscopes, astrology humor